peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize