yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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