Non-Jews are for practice
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
