I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize