Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize