I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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