His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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