haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
