Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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