Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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