Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
