she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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