I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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