I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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