Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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