fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
