Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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