i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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