Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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