All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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