did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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