Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
