Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
