She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
