I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
