Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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