I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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