I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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