i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I checked into jail on foursquare
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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