in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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