Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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