I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
