KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
