either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
