God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
