i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
