there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
