Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
