We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
