She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
