I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
