that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize