no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
