I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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