p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
