And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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