You can't special order awesome
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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