how hairy? two words: wookie tits
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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