i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
