I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
