I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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