doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
