I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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