i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
