and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
