Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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