There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize