He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
