i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
