I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize