Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i will never coherently bang her
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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