I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Too much gin, very little bucket
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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