There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
