Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
you never un-have a 4some
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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