i don't like sucking hair
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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