if only i could text you this smell
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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