I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
