I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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