help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He's on the porch naked. Help.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
