so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
