I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
