arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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