i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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