this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
