please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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