My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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