I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
