Where did you get a picture of my penis
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
