he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
